If you or your spouse has been unfaithful but you both feel that there is still something in the relationship worth saving, it’s time for a gut check. Don’t think that the road to save your marriage will be smooth or short. You had better prepare for a rough ride, and it’s going to have a much better chance of working if you enlist the help of a professional counselor to help clear the path, as much as possible.

Here’s a few things to keep in mind:

1. If the person who committed the adultery is a serial cheater, why stay at all? Come on,who are you kidding? No matter how much you may love them, they are flawed. They aren’t ever going to change they are just going to make your life miserable at best, and at worst they’ll bring some nasty disease home and clear out your bank account. Leave.

If this was a one time lapse in judgment, and let’s be honest, in the right circumstances any of us could have one, than you might have a chance but only if the offending party is truly sorry and will, or already has, stopped seeing the other person. If they won’t commit 100% to making things work, it won’t work. Again, it’s best to leave.

2. As hard as it may be to face, it might help if the two of you could talk openly about what they found so irresistible in the other person. It’s going to hurt, but the reality is that people don’t cheat for sex, though that is part of it, they cheat because they get something from the other person that they don’t get from their spouse.

Sometimes it can be something ‘real’ like feeling needed or loved. Other times it’s not ‘real’ it’s childish, like feeling like they are the only one that matters in the relationship. Finding out what the attraction was might help the two of you recapture something that has been lost in your relationship, something that you may not even have realized was gone.

3. It’s very important to the long term health of your relationship that the person who was cheated on can find a way to not throw it up in their partner’s face every time there is a fight. And that will be hard. But unless you can truly forgive and forget, it won’t work out.

On the other side of the coin, the person who strayed must understand that it can take a lifetime for their partner to really ever trust them again. Sorry, that’s just the way it is.

Also, the person who strayed has to own it, period. Now is not the time to blame your spouse and use the classic line: “my wife/husband just doesn’t understand me”.  B.S. You are every bit as guilty, maybe more so, in the failing of your marriage as your spouse. Don’t blame your weakness and the fact that you cheated on your partner. You did it, period. Own it and you’ll be a better person for it.

Marriage infidelity can be gotten past, but only if the two of you are willing to try, and try hard. Good luck.

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Technorati Tags: Cheaters, Marriage Infidelity

If you’re the one who has been cheated on, it may be very difficult for you to ever trust your partner again, no matter how much they apologize. If you tell them that you are willing to try you better make darn sure that you really are willing to try.  One of the biggest traps of this type of situation is the tendency of the person who was betrayed to punish the cheater throughout the rest of the relationship.  The problem is, that you won’t really know if that’s what will happen or not since you might sincerely believe you can forgive them for the betrayal.

Before you even try to mend the relationship it’s important you ask yourself why. Make sure that you are only staying because you truly believe the two of you can make things work and not because you’re afraid of being on your own.  If your partner has cheated more than once, do yourself a favor and run, don’t walk, away.  We often get confused about the causes of cheating, we think it’s about sex, but it’s not really. The truth is that it’s about one persons serious character flaws and insecurities.

There have been a string of high profile cases lately where husbands have cheated on their (very beautiful) wives almost from the day they said “I do”.  What is their excuse?  Is it an addiction?  Is it that their wives weren’t meeting their needs?  The truth is that with most of these cases the cheaters are just insecure children who never grew up enough to live up to their word.  When they said “I do” it was supposed to mean “I won’t” but they selfishly did whatever it was that made them feel better for a few minutes.

If you’re in a relationship with someone like that you are really better off to just leave.  It’s unlikely that any amount of therapy will help your partner grow up and grow a conscience or grow some character. You don’t need the pain.

If, on the other hand, your partner made a one time mistake and the two of you had a great relationship prior to that (and you think you really can forgive them) than by all means give it a shot.  It would probably be best to enlist the help of a therapist who can help the two of you navigate the minefield that is going to follow the affair.  It will be tough for the two of you to keep your emotions in check long enough to find a path to the loving relationship you once shared.

It won’t be easy but cheating in a relationship can be overcome but only if both parties really want it.  If you aren’t both committed totally to making things better and moving on, than you’re better off calling it quits right now so you can find someone who knows what honesty and fidelity is all about.

Technorati Tags: cheating in a relationship

Extensive Stories

One of the main things to look for in a cheating boyfriend is the lie. Your boyfriend is going to lie about different situations, as he does not want you to catch on to what he is doing. Those who are cheating are going to create long, intricate stories. These stories are created in hopes of seeming legitimate; the more details to a story, the more likely it is to be real. If your boyfriend is usually short, but starts to tell long and intricate stories, take note.

Obvious Lies

Some men are better at lying than others. While some will be able to hide their lies, others will be completely obvious, making it simple and easy for you to spot this sign of cheating. If your boyfriend is obvious with his lies, call him on them; he may admit to what he has been doing on the spot.

Awkward Smells

Was your boyfriend supposed to be at a smoke-free restaurant, but comes back with a smoke-tainted jacket? Was he supposed to be out with the guys, but comes in smelling like female perfume? If you note awkward smells, your boyfriend may be cheating on you.

Changed Attitudes

Cheaters will often change their attitudes on things. They are dealing with the stress of an affair, and their mindset may change. If your boyfriend starts to act differently toward you, take note. While it’s not proof positive that he is cheating; it may be an indication.

Changed Behaviors

Cheaters are also likely to change their behaviors. If your boyfriend starts going to places at new or awkward times, take note. If your boyfriend does not act sexually attracted to you anymore, take note. Again, while this may not mean he is cheating on you, it can be an indicator of cheating or other relationship issues.

It is incredibly important for girlfriends to understand that they cannot simply accuse their boyfriend of cheating on them. You need to have hard evidence before you actually accuse your boyfriend of being unfaithful. These signs of a cheating boyfriend will simply help women to understand whether or not they even need to worry about their boyfriend cheating on them. If you notice any of these different signs, you should simply be more alert as to the actions of your boyfriend.

Click HERE to get the Magic of Making up system.

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Check the Second Chance Romance System to Get Your Girlfriend to Love You Again.

You need to be careful when you’re trying to win your girlfriend back under any circumstances. . .but especially if you’ve cheated. You do want her back desperately and would do anything to change what you did but it won’t be in your advantage to appear desperate. That would only contribute to the many reasons she has for not accepting you back right now. But how can you show her how sorry you are then?

One of the best strategies in regaining your girlfriend’s heart is to write her a letter. Tell her that you agree with her decision to take some time. Tell her that she’s exactly right, the two of you should really be going your own separate ways. Tell her that you’ve seen the end coming for quite a while now. After that, write a short apology. Tell her how very sorry you are for cheating on her. Agree that it showed a tremendous lack of respect towards her and once again convey how you really regret having done it. And finally, reveal that something really wonderful as happened in your life and you’d like to tell her about it whenever you can. Sign off in a neutral way and you’ve created the letter.

Whether you’ve realized it or not, sending a letter that contains those concepts is an extremely effective way to get your girlfriend’s “love blood” flowing again. You’re showing in a very classy way that you know what you’ve done and understand how it has hurt her and, at the same time, you’re showing her that you’re not completely devastated and mucking around in self-hate and pity. ..you’re ready to start anew. It’s very likely when your girlfriend reads the letter that she will contact you soon afterwards and you won’t be in the position of begging for her time and forgiveness anymore.

This is just the first step in winning your girlfriend’s heart back and you will definitely need to be ready when she gets back in touch with you after reading your letter. While you’re waiting for her answer, make sure you take care of yourself, go out with friends and keep yourself busy – concentrate on being positive and upbeat. You want to be in the right state of mind when your girlfriend gets back to you. Don’t hang around the phone and mope when you haven’t heard anything yet.

Give it time. And play it cool when she does get in touch with you. Hopefully this has helped you with the first step in your question of “How can I get my girlfriend to love me again. . .even after I’ve cheated.”

Check the Second Chance Romance System to Get Your Girlfriend to Love You Again.

Technorati Tags: get-ex-back, Girlfriend to love Me, save relationship

Woman are compassionate, loving, forgiving, kind, and sometimes very gullible.  You might think he’ll leave his wife because she’s old, fat, mean, stupid, nuts, controlling, etc.  And maybe she is, but the truth is she’s probably none of these things, after all why would he have married her if she was?  It’s much more likely that he’s just bored and you’re a convenient distraction.

Few women would knowingly start a relationship with a married man if he started talking about what a sexy and wonderful person his wife was, so as hard as it is to believe married men will often lie so that you can justify having sex with him.

The reasons men cheat usually come down to the fact that their marriage has gotten stale and one or more of his needs (not just sexually) are not being met to his satisfaction.  That’s the same reason women cheat too.

The problem is that at the end of the day he probably still has feelings for his wife or at least doesn’t want to go through the expense of a divorce.  You also have to take into consideration the way both sides of his family will react, and if there are kids involved most men are unwilling to hurt their own children.

If you are a women who is involved with a married man and want to know why men don’t leave their wives there can be many reasons.  The important thing to remember is that it really doesn’t matter why he won’t leave, it only matters that you know he probably won’t leave his wife and he’s not much of a prize even if he did.

Technorati Tags: breakup, Keep your relationship

If both parties want to try to save the relationship and move on after an affair it will take a lot of time and maturity.  It’s really tough to trust again after someone has taken your trust and thrown it away.  Some people will not be able to get over it and it will not only end their existing relationship but that lack of trust can follow them to relationship after relationship for the rest of their lives.

Because the hurt you can cause another person could literally scar them for life it’s really important that you really think it through before you decide to cheat.  After all, is a little fun on the side, or a quick ego boost really worth the pain you’ll be causing another human being?  If you are so insecure that you think it’s worth it just so you can feel better about yourself and more desirable you should probably not be in any relationship and spend some time in a therapists office.

One of the biggest things you will need to do to move your relationship forward after an affair is to have both parties be brutally honest about the initial breakdown of the relationship and their part in it.  Blame for ruining a relationship is always shared by both parties, not always equally, but there are reasons the relationship fell apart to the point that someone thought they needed to have their needs satisfied by someone else.

Once you can honestly admit what went wrong you can solve the problem if you and your partner can communicate effectively.  This means you have to avoid name calling, finger pointing, and accusations. If you can communicate in an adult fashion about the problems in your relationship and what you can do to fix them you might be able to salvage your relationship.

The bottom line is that not all relationships should be saved.  If you are involved with someone who has a long history of cheating you should just move on.  They are obviously too concerned with their own selfish wants and needs, and they will never change. If, on the other hand, someone just gave into a moment of weakness you might be able to work together to save your relationship.  So

ask yourself: cheaters, how can I save our relationship?

Technorati Tags: Cheaters, Keep your relationship, relationship breakup, relationships, Save Our Relationship