Archive for July, 2009
Thinking Of Divorce? Save Marriage With A Marriage Counselor
The first is the Ph.D. or Psy.D. level counselor. These people went to graduate school for a minimum of five years and wrote a dissertation. In addition, they performed a minimum of 3000 hours of therapy under the supervision of an experienced psychologist. In order to legally call yourself a “clinical psychologist” the person must have a doctoral level degree. Ph.D.’s are often more academic in nature and tend to do scholarly and forensic work along with therapy.
Then there is the M.S.W. This means Master of Social Work. Social Workers are trained to apply social theory to specific situations. They can work in institutions or with individuals.
Finally, there is the M.S. or M.A. in Counseling. Often called a “Marriage and Family Therapist,” these people can only work with individuals or small groups in counseling situations. They tend to have 2 year degrees and may not have written a thesis. They have 1500 hours of therapy under supervision.
If you are using your insurance to cover your marriage counseling, your insurance company will probably direct you to an MSW or a Marriage and Family Therapist because they are less expensive.
Second, you have to determine what the price will be. Clinical psychologists tend to be the most expensive while Marriage and Family Therapists are the least expensive. Remember you are trying to stop divorce. Save marriage by finding the best fit not the most (or least) expensive professional.
Look at the per session cost as well as the overall cost for the expected length of treatment.
Often, therapists working in groups or non profit institutions will have a sliding scale fee based on a couple’s income. If you qualify, this might make counseling affordable when it otherwise might not be.
Third, you need to look at the policies the therapist has. Some of these policies include:
· What happens if you miss or cancel a session?
· Can you take a pre-planned vacation without having to pay for the session?
· Will the therapist accept calls outside of the normal session? Do they accept calls at home or just at the office?
· Is there an alternative person you can call in an emergency?
A family counselor should help you put your family back together so that you don’t have split up. Saving your marriage should be their ultimate goal. If you don’t feel that you are in synch with your counselor, move on and find someone who can keep you from divorce and save marriage.
Try the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
Getting Over A Break Up When Your Heart Is Broken
Few things are more painful than having your heart broken.
Both men and women experience the pain of breaking up. Sometimes you are the one who called it off and other times your ex did, but in either case, there is pain on both sides. And, sometimes the break up happened for good reasons while other times it seemed to go up in a puff of smoke for no reason at all. These can be the most painful of all.
If you don’t go about getting over the break up though, there can be some serious consequences. Don’t fall into the trap of lingering over a lost love. The worst trap of all is to start to write a “victim story” that makes you the protagonist in a tale of love gone bad.
First of all, you should realize that if you don’t get over your ex, it will be toxic to any future relationship you might have.
Second, realize that you can’t run away from it, medicate it, or suppress it. You have to face the pain head on and deal with it.
There’s no way out of a broken heart. There’s only a way through. Accept that there is going to be pain. Use the time during this period to understand the hurt. Some ways to do this are to write in a journal, get counseling, or pour your heart out in song. Realize there are no quick solutions to getting over break up.
Next, you need to examine whether there is anything in your past that would have lead to this break up. For instance, did the abuse in your childhood cause you to be an abuser in this relationship? Take note of those things because they will help you foster healthier relationships in the future.
Don’t paint yourself as the victim of the relationship either. Take responsibility for your actions. While your ex may have been the one whose “fault” was the immediate cause of the break up, the truth is that the underlying circumstances were caused by both of you.
By getting rid of your “victim story” you become a healthier, more attractive partner for a future boyfriend or girlfriend. You’ll begin to see that your “victim story” was composed of beliefs, attitudes and thoughts that color your perceptions about everything. It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.
When you handle your broken heart badly, you perpetuate your pain. You’ll never go about getting over break up.
But, when you can handle your emotions with the ultimate goal of letting them go, you enable healing.
Getting over a broken heart takes work. It also takes time. Don’t underestimate the factors which go into curing your heartbreak.
You’ve just lost a person who was extremely important to your life. But, use this time for growth and you will become a stronger person and have better relationships in the future. That is how you really go about getting over break up.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
Did Your Girlfriend Break Up With You?
Did your girlfriend break up with you? You are not the first guy to go through this. In fact, girls initiate three quarters of the break ups while guys only dump the girl in one quarter of the situations. Therefore, guys have to deal with being dumped far more often than girls do.
Compounding the problem is the impression that men are supposed to deal with their emotions stoically. While women are allowed to dissect every part of their relationship, men are expected to roll with the punches.
But this doesn’t mean that men don’t have emotions. They hurt when women dump them. A girlfriend break up is quite painful.
First of all, men tend to place more value on stable relationships than women do. While a man might be interested in a fling with a woman who is not his girlfriend, what he really wants is someone who will be there in good times and bad.
But, once your girlfriend has dumped you, it’s important to figure out how to pick up the pieces and go on with your life.
First of all, you should find some way to express yourself. Girls can do this by writing poetry or talking about the relationship endlessly with their friends. Men often don’t feel comfortable with these options. But, if you play the guitar or piano, try writing some music that allows you to express your feelings. Many of the great songs are about the pain of breaking up.
Next, you need to clear out your place of all of the things that remind you of her. If she has clothes at your house, give them back. Throw away her toothbrush. And, if she’s given you any gifts that you want to keep, box them up for the time being until you can look at them without having turbulent emotions.
You will want to close off communications with her, at least for the short term. If either of you owe the other money, try to settle up so that won’t be an avenue for talking.
Then tell your ex that you want to go silent for a while. That means no calls, texts, or emails. Stay off each other’s myspace and facebook pages. In time, you may be able to be friends again, but right now you both need to give each other the space to heal.
Then, you need to get out of the house. Make a point of playing pick up basketball with your friends. Go out to a bar from time to time. Become a big brother to an underprivileged kid.
Then, start to get back into the dating scene once again. At first, you can have casual dates that may not lead to anything. But, over time, you will meet someone you really care about. And, at that point, you will know that you have some closure about the old relationship. You won’t be worried about the old girlfriend break up any more.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
Can I Get My Girlfriend Back Ever
“Can I get my girlfriend back ever?” If that is what you are wondering it seems like you may be in a desperate situation. There is hope but it may be only a sliver. You have to believe that it won’t result in your or hers heart getting broken again. The truth is one of you screwed up. Who was it? Can the person who made the mistake that caused you to get broken up in the first place be trusted again? The answer to that question may not let you know the answer to “Can I get my girlfriend back?” but it will help you know if you should.
Is it a good idea for both of you to get back together? If you are fully convinced that it is then you might be able to. The problem is in convincing the ex girlfriend that you should. You need to write down all the reasons that it will be a good idea to get back together. It doesn’t need to be a letter or anything. It can be just a list of all the reasons why it would be a good thing to get your girlfriend back. You can even put at the top of it, “Can I get my girlfriend back or should I even try?”
On this list you are going to put down every reason that it would be good to get back together. Try brain storming if you have trouble coming up with good ideas. Write down everything that you can think of whether it’s silly or not. Sometimes the little things make all the difference in the world. After you have your list, go through and write down an objection to each one. Don’t be afraid to do this, it’s called being objective. The answer to “Can I get my girlfriend back?” may be yes if you are able to find all objections and overcome them.
Look at this all critically and try to convince yourself that it isn’t a good idea. If you can’t do that then it’s a matter of letting your ex girlfriend know the reasons why you should. What you have done with all of this is made yourself able to deal with any objections and concerns that she has of why it wouldn’t be a good thing. You may have very well found out the answer to “Can I get my girlfriend back?” by answering all the questions surrounding that one.
There is one objection that you might not be able to overcome and that is, “I just don’t want to.” If she just does not want to get back together, there might be no other reason for it. You can’t make her want you. You can’t convince her that she should. This is one of the things that you have to be prepared for. What you will be doing, though, is getting to that answer. If she does have a part of her that wants to be with you then the answer to “Can I get my girlfriend back?” is ‘yes’.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
Ex Wants To Get Back Together But I Don’t
Ex wants back together but you don’t? That is an incredibly difficult position to be in, especially if you have reasons to keep the peace or are just still interested in being friends. You want to make sure that you don’t cave into the pressure to get back together, though. It might be the right thing but you need to examine the reasons that you broke up in the first place. If you aren’t totally convinced that it is the right thing then you really should not. We will be looking at two of the big reasons that you may have broken up and could very well be why you shouldn’t get back together again, even though ex wants back together.
One of the things that could be why you broke up in the first place is that you have your eyes set on getting married and don’t believe that they are “the one” for you. Your ex wants back together but you may have found out that they aren’t, for some reason, what you are looking for in a spouse. You have certain ideals and certain things that you are looking for in a marriage partner. While you were dating, you found out that this person didn’t have what you needed.
It doesn’t matter what exactly the reasons are, it is something that you can’t see yourself living with the rest of your life. If you have realized that they aren’t what you need, then why waste time on on a futile effort if it is only going to detract from your ultimate goal of getting married. You will only be putting off the inevitable future break up and possibly missing out on finding that one that you really should be with. Your ex wants back together but it simply wouldn’t be the life time commitment that you crave so deciding not to only makes sense.
Another reason that it might not be a good idea to get back together with ex even though ex wants back together is you simply just don’t have the feelings towards them that you had at one time. If there are no other good reasons for being together, children together being the main and most important one, then it really isn’t fair to either person. Both of you deserve to be in a situation better than one person being “stuck” with the other. You deserve to not feel so obligated and they deserve to not be with someone who would simply rather not be with them.
If your ex wants back together, while it may seem the easiest solution to get back together, it may not be the best one. Look closely at the reasons that you broke up in the first place. If you are convinced that they just aren’t right for you then don’t feel pressured into doing something that ultimately would do neither one of you any good. Don’t do the wrong thing trying to do the nice thing and get back together because ex wants back together.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
How To Get Back With Your Ex Boyfriend
There are many people like you who are struggling to find out how to get back with your ex boyfriend. The problem may be as with any seemingly insurmountable obstacle and that is all they can see is the mountain in front of them. It’s hard to process and figure out how you can fix what went so wrong. It can be overwhelming. It doesn’t have to be, though. The secret to learning how to get back with your boyfriend may be in the little things.
Q: How do you eat an elephant?
A: One bite at a time.
Q: How to get back with your ex boyfriend?
A: One step at a time.
What you need to do is carefully look at what it was that made what you had together so special. What we the little things that made the two of you smile? What was it that made him smile? If you can find those things and not only remind him of them but make him think of them then you have a chance. Was there some look that you gave that made him grin? Give him that look. Was there some song that he loved to hear? Hum a little of it or sing just a little very quietly if you can carry a tune. Even if you can’t sing, give a little smile when he’s around and sing just a little bit of it softly enough that he just barely hears it and laugh at yourself.
Give him a reason to give you just a little help with something. Show that you can still rely on him and you feel comfortable asking him for a little help. The difficult thing with this is not becoming a burden on him. You need to not bother him with trivial things or very often, just a little something every once in while. The point is to be like a good perfume worn right. It has to be sweet enough to catch his attention and wet his appetite but not strong enough to knock him out of his chair and into a coma.
How to get back with your ex boyfriend is going to involve a lot of premeditated and orchestrated maneuvers. You are going to have to arrange “accidental” and “spontaneous” meetings. It can’t seem like you are tying to manipulate and you don’t need to make yourself known. Be that person that he thinks he sees but don’t “draw attention” to yourself. Be there, be seen, but don’t “see” him except to maybe give a little smile or a wink but then disappear. Enough of that done correctly and you really have found the secret how to get back with your boyfriend.
When you really have your eye set it and want to know how to get back with your ex boyfriend, you are going to have to be sneaky. You are going to have to entice him but let him make the moves. Make him hunt you. Make him pursue. Your job is to get him to think it’s his idea to get back together with you. Best way how to get back with your ex boyfriend is to get him to ask the same thing about you.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
Get Back Together With Ex – Is It A Bad Idea?
You may be tempted to try and get back together with ex but is it really something that you want to do. It might be the best thing in the world but it could also be World War 2. The best way to find out is to attack the idea and tear it apart. You want to be able to find all the reasons that it won’t work and not to be pessimistic about the chances either. You want to see if it can handle an imaginary beating before you give you and your former lover a real emotional beating. If it withstands the scrutiny, then just maybe it isn’t a bad idea to get back together with ex.
It could very well be that you have grown out of the relationship. People grow over time. If you or your former spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend have gone through an emotional growth spurt then it could be that one of you outgrew the other. It could also be that you outgrew the need for the other. People change and where you had so much in common and had so many common needs, there may be little there. If it really is a good idea to get back together with ex then you will find that both of you really do need each other and make each other stronger. Look closely, though. Have your paths diverged? Are you like a stream that has branched off into two? Look honestly at the direction you are going and be real about it.
Could it be that one of you really is more interested in the other more than they are in them? Are you more interested in a relationship with them than they are with you? Is it the other way around? If you think that you might want to get back together with ex then you should be somewhere near the same in level of interest. You should be on pretty equal billing here. There should be a mutual admiration society of two going on here. If there isn’t that balance, then it probably isn’t a good idea to get back together with ex.
Now is it a matter of one of you being controlling over the other? This is something that is very common in couples and is a leading factor in unhappiness within the relationship and is a major part of breaking up or divorce. In this instance you will really have to take a good, hard look at the situation. Is is emotionally healthy for both of you? Are one of you in the driver seat and the other a captive passenger? Then this really probably isn’t a situation where it is a good idea to get back together with ex.
There are many other reasons that people break up and those may not have been the situation that the two of you were in but the principle applies for most every situation. Take a good and honest look at it and fight to see the reasons that it won’t work. If you can convince yourself that it will only end in a breakup again, then you shouldn’t do it. If, however, you decide that it isn’t guaranteed or even mostly likely that you will break up again, then it could be a good idea to get back together with ex.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
Love To Get Your Ex Wife Back
If your goal is to get your ex wife back then you have to admit something that you may not want to. You may have to admit you’re weak. Will you have to admit it to her? That depends on how she views you at the moment, how you have come across in the past and how she will view you in the future. The trick to get your ex wife back is to let her know that you have changed and that you are, can be, and will be the one that she wants.
Wanting to get your ex wife back is admitting that you are weak. You are admitting that you need her and are incomplete with out here. You are admitting that you have to have her in order for life to make sense and/or work. Once you make the effort, she is going to be figuring that out on her own. Just making the effort to get your ex wife back is proof of that. How did she view you prior to the break up? Did you divorce because you were seen as being weak? Hopefully that is not the case. If so, coming back and trying to reconcile after the divorce or break up may be seen as groveling back and may not be something that she wants to see from her man.
If, though, you were seen as being particularly hard headed and self-absorbed then you are essentially saying that you were wrong. This is not a bad thing. When you show that you can admit that you were wrong shows that you are willing to admit that you are human. Being wrong is weak but admitting it and trying to correct it takes immense strength. Letting down your guard and telling the her that you were wrong shows that you are serious about wanting to get your ex wife back. Even though it’s admitting that you are weak, it is showing that you are strong enough to deal with it.
When you are trying to win your ex wife back, you have to know that you are putting your future in someone else’s hands. The results are far from certain. The truth is the damage may already be done and it has reached the point of no return. Does this mean that you shouldn’t try? No. It does mean that everything that you do has to be above and beyond any reasonable doubt that she might have. This will mean being honest in not just admitting how wrong you may have been but honest in really trying to change.
If you go back to your ex wife and try to convince her that you have changed and that you are worth the risk, you have to be honest. If you aren’t and you aren’t willing to follow through on your commitment to be better thing swill only fall apart again. If you are going to go through with the effort to get your ex wife back, make sure that the change in you is real.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back
How to get an ex boyfriend back is a tough thing to do especially if he doesn’t want to come back. His not wanting to take you back may be a short-term situation or it might be a long term one. Largely it depends on the situation. You can’t force him to change his mind but you can do some things that might help influence him. Part of it comes in knowing what went wrong and why. The rest comes in finding what can be done differently and then convincing him that it can be. How to get an ex boyfriend back may be a tough road to travel and the destination may be unknown but it could result in a lifetime of rewards.
What happened to get you to this point where you need to know how to get an ex boyfriend back in the first place? You need to take an honest look at what happened in the relationship. Was it something that you did or something that he did? If it was something that he did, you may want to rethink the whole thing because you need to be absolutely sure that he isn’t going to do it again. If it was something that you did then what was it that brought you to the point that a split would happen? What and where did things go wrong? Most importantly, what is going to keep it from happening again? You have to have an answer for this.
What is going to be done differently if you are successful in finding out how to get an ex boyfriend back? Why should he believe that things are changed or will be different? Are you changing some things? Is he? This will take more than just words and a desire to be better: it will take action. It will take effort on both your part and his. In this you must be willing to lead by example and you may have to prove that you are trustworthy in this before he will give you another chance.
Proving to him that you are able to have a better relationship may be the most difficult part of it. If there are mistakes that have been made in the past that kept recurring, how can you prove that it won’t happen again? Only one way it can happen and that is to be incredibly diligent in your efforts to not let that happen again. If someone wants you to stop smoking and it is important to not let them down then how are you going to show that you can stop? Easy answer, you don’t do it anymore. You avoid situations where you are likely to crave it or where you might be tempted to do it. You also seek help. That is what it is going to take with learning how to get an ex boyfriend back.
You won’t be able to do it on your own. Restoring a broken relationship will take more than your efforts and desires. It will take both of you. You need an ally to help you get things back together. Once you have gotten your ex boyfriend convinced that it is worth working on then you will have your ally and will have found out how to get an ex boyfriend back.
Go get the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.
