Archive for July, 2009

Are you in the process of surviving a break up?  It may seem like there is no hope.  But,  really there is.

First of all, you have to decide whether the relationship is really over or whether it’s just a temporary situation.  Some people find that their coupledom becomes even stronger after a hiatus.

But other times, you know that it is over and you need to go about mourning the relationship.  Your ex was probably the person who you were closest to in the whole world.  Now, you need to find people and activities to replace him or her.

Sometimes you can turn to friends and family members to discuss the situation.  If they are sympathetic and allow you to do the talking that you need to do, this is an optimal situation.

Unfortunately, most people are consumed with their own situations.  They have little patience for dealing with other people’s problems and concerns.  While they may listen for the first couple of days, their basic tenet will be “get over it.”

If this is the case, you may want to consider going to a counselor.  A therapist will help you work through the issues that caused your relationship to dissolve.  Many people have found that a counselor is the best person to help you in surviving a break up.

At some point, you have to start to move on.  One of the best ways to do this is to exchange all of the personal items you have with your ex.  Most of the time, this means clothes, but there are other items which you keep at each other’s homes.

If there are things like toothbrushes that don’t merit an exchange, throw them away.  If you have personal gifts that you don’t want to give back, box them up and put them away for the time being.  You don’t want to have anything that reminds you of your ex lying around the house for the time being.

Then, start focusing on how you can improve yourself.  Because you were part of a couple for so long, you referenced yourself as “we.”  Now, it is all about “me.”  And, that’s not a bad place to be in.

You can now do the things you want.  She didn’t like gambling?  You can now go to the guys’ poker night.  He didn’t like chick flicks?  Rent all the movies you missed.

And, start doing a self improvement campaign.  Go work out.  Take some classes.  Join a hiking group.

Start to meet new people, particularly people who can be friends not lovers.  These people will provide a valuable network for you now and in the future.

Finally, at some point, you have to put yourself back on the market again.  Go to single’s events or check out online dating sites.  When you find someone new who you really like, you know you will be finally over your ex.

And that’s how to go about surviving a break up.

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Are you in love?  Break up with your boyfriend can be the most devastating thing in your life if you were truly in love.  How can you get through this situation?

First of all, you need to determine whether the relationship is truly over.  There are a number of ways to get an ex boyfriend back.

You don’t want to chase him.  You want to give him some space, especially in the first days after a break up.  So, don’t pester him with calls or texts.  Instead, let him call you.

If he doesn’t contact you right away, don’t stress about it.  Instead, after about a week, call him yourself.  But, keep it casual.  Don’t go all weepy on him and ask him to get back together.  Also, keep it short.  Five or ten minutes should suffice.

If you are still in love after this amount of time, you need to consider making more fundamental changes.

For instance, do you need a makeover?  Would a new hairstyle or new clothes attract him back?  Do you need to lose a few pounds?

Also, consider whether there were aspects of your personality that drove him away.  Were you always nagging him?  Did you drop all of your own friends and hang around with him exclusively?  You may have been crowding him.

If you have identified areas where you can change, you need to do them.  It may take time, but if he is truly in love, break up won’t last.

But, you also have to be prepared to move on.  Fortunately, any changes you make to win your ex boyfriend back will also help you attract a new guy.  For instance, learning not to nag a man will help you keep any new boyfriend.  And, your new more glamorous self will be sure to attract lots of attention.

Use the time between boyfriends to find out what you really want in a man as well.  What was it that attracted you to your ex?  Did these qualities hold on over time or did they annoy you after a while?  Did you go for someone on the basis of looks only to find out that made for a very vain man?  Did you like his sarcastic sense of humor only to find out that he turned it on you?

You should also use this time between boyfriends to figure out what you want in yourself.  What can you improve – not for the sake of a guy – but to make the quality of your own life better?  This may mean getting back in touch with your girlfriends, taking up a class, or going to church again.

Remember, love break up do happen.  Sometimes you can get back together and sometimes you can’t.  The important thing is to be able to roll with the punches and move on to the newer, better you.

Check out the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.

Technorati Tags: dealing with a breakup, get boyfriend back, get your ex back, relationship breakup

Are you suffering from the pain of a break up?  Do you feel that you would do anything to turn back the clock a few days?  If your love’s run out, here’s how to win your ex back.

First of all, don’t go out and chase them.  They probably need some space.  In fact, often they will come to regret their decision if they aren’t pressured.

That means that you shouldn’t call, text or email them for a week or so.  Whatever you do, don’t go begging them to come back.  Don’t send flowers or love notes.  Instead, hang back and chill.

After a week or so, if your love hasn’t made any contact, it is now okay to do it yourself.  But be casual about it.  Drop them an email saying “how are you doing?”  Again, don’t overdo it.  You don’t want to seem too eager.

Just as there is power in romantic relationships, there is a power balance in a break up situation.  If you give up your power by chasing your ex, you actually lessen your chances of getting them back.

If the situation was a minor blow up, you may be able to win your ex back by stepping back for a few days and then dropping a casual hint that you are still interested.

But, if a month or so has gone by and you’re still not back together, it’s time to step things up.  By this time, he or she has probably started thinking about new partners.  Now, it’s time to really learn how to win your ex back.

It is very important not to crowd your ex, even when you are pursuing them.  Don’t stalk.  It is okay to show up where they hang out from time to time, but be prepared to pay attention to other people besides your ex.

You should also consider contacting your ex from time to time in a casual way.  For instance, you could email them saying “I walked by the park where we flew kites that time and it made me think of you.  I miss those days.”  Also, make sure that you always remember their birthday with a card or small gift.  This will let them know that they are still on your radar.

One controversial tactic is to ask one of your ex’s friends out on a date.  Then text your ex and ask him or her where the friend would like to go on the date.  This will make your ex think that you are moving on and make him or her question whether they really want to be broken up.

It is okay to date other people while you are broken up, but you should refrain from sleeping with them.  Your ex may consider this a final sign that the relationship is over.  So, be true to your love even though you have broken up.

And that is how to win your ex back.

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Many girls dump their boyfriends and don’t give any real reason.  They have the urge to purge and drop their lover without him doing anything to her.  Sometimes they want to get back together right away, but other times, they move on leaving you to hold the bag.  This article will discuss how to get over girl.

First of all, you should understand that you are not alone.  Most men fear being dumped by a serious lover than being rejected in the early stages of dating.  This is because the bonds men form with the women they are dating are important to them.  Sometimes it seems that the men see them as more important than the women do despite all of the literature directed toward women about relationships.

To get over girl, you need to stop adoring her.  Don’t put her up on a pedestal like some kind of Greek Goddess.  She has feet of clay which she exposed by dumping you when you did nothing wrong.

Don’t hold on to past memories of her.  Get rid of the photos and momentos in your home that remind you of her.  If you have some of her “stuff” get rid of it or give it back to her.

If you have entangled finances, sort them out so you can move on.  This includes both joint banking accounts and settling debts you owe each other.

Don’t allow her to occupy the space in your mind that she had when you were together.  She is part of the past and you have to live in the present and the future.

Close out all contact with your ex.  Don’t call her “just to chat” or allow her to continue to email or text you.  Instead, tell her that she called it quits and you want to start a new life without her in it.

This may make her want to pursue you even harder.  Women are crazy that way.  They want what they can’t have.  If you are open to restarting the relationship, you can allow this communication to go on.  But, if you want to start the healing process, she should be a persona non gratis in your life.

Don’t be afraid to express your feelings.  Sometimes writing in a journal or writing music is sufficient.  Other times, you’ll need a shoulder to lean on.  If the situation is severe, consider getting short term counseling.

Finally, don’t mope around the house.  Get back into the game.  While you may not be ready to start dating again, you should go to the gym, play basketball with your buddies and go to a bar from time to time.  Don’t stick around the house because you are too sad to go out.

If you have the opportunity to go out on a casual date, take advantage of it.  Show the girl a good time, even if you’re not really that in to her.  You will be more ready for a real relationship if you’ve kept up your dating skills.

That is how to get over a girl.

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We all have emotions and love is the strongest passion of them all.  Therefore, when love ends, it may seem fatal.  But there are ways to win back lost love.  This article will look at five strategies to pursue when you are trying to get your lover back.

First of all, you need to be honest to yourself and to each other.  If there were underlying problems in your relationship, it is essential that you address them.  For instance, if housework was a big issue, you need to address it before you can get back together.  If you are messy and your ex was a neat freak, it can cause a considerable amount of stress in the relationship.  If one person felt they were doing all the housework, it can cause a strain.  Finances are another area where there can be strain.  To win back lost love, you have to address these areas before you get back together.

Next, you need to be a dependable person.  If you have broken up already, you need to be dependable as an ex.  You need to be there when he or she needs you, even though you no longer have a “responsibility” to.  For instance, if she’s moving, lend a helping hand and your truck.  If he needs someone to type his resume, do it for him.

Third, encourage your ex.  One of the things people miss when they break up is the encouragement their partner gives them.  So, to win back lost love, try to find out where they are discouraged and cheer them up.  If they are having a performance review at work, send an email timed to get there right before the meeting.  If they are singing a solo at church, show up to give them some moral support.

Fourth, listen to them when they call.  Most of the time after a break up, there is some level of communication.  Often, this degenerates into fights.  But, if you really listen to the things your ex is telling you, you may be able to figure out a way to get back into their life.  Encourage them to share their problems with you.  Don’t try to solve them.  Just let them express their concerns with life.  Be a sounding board.

Fifth, don’t sit on the sidelines.  Life is meant to be played on the playing field.  If you sit on the sidelines, it’s likely that someone else will become the quarterback of their life.  Don’t give up on the relationship unless you are ready to move on yourself.  Things are not going to get better on their own.  You have to go out and make things better.

If you want to win back lost love, you have to take this five part action guide to heart.  You have to be proactive.

The most important thing is to really care about your ex and to show him or her that you do care.  You shouldn’t be worried if they date other people because they will come back to you if you are the right person for them.

You should know that it is possible to win back lost love.  Now go out there and do it!

Technorati Tags: get-back-together, get-ex-back, love

Have you just broken up with a guy?  Are you lost without him?  Do you wonder if you can get him back?  Here’s some advice about a boyfriend break up.

First of all, decide whether the relationship is truly over.  Until you are able to say that he is part of your past and not your present and future, you will not be able to move on.

This is not to say that you have to put him in the past right away.  There are a number of steps you can take to get him back.  You can stay part of his life in a casual way hopping to become boyfriend and girlfriend again.

But, if you are ready to move on, there are a number of steps you can take to reach closure.  Closure is the process where you recognize that the relationship is over and you start to heal.

Perhaps the first thing you should do is communicate your hurt.  There are several ways to do this:

· Talk to friends and family who are truly empathetic and can help you work through your feelings.  A true friend will do this, but many of your so called friends won’t be up to the challenge.

· Go into short term therapy so you can work through your feelings with a dispassionate third party

· Write down your feelings in a journal, in poetry, or in music.  This is an inexpensive way to express yourself and doesn’t require anyone else to participate.

Once you have come to some level of closure, get rid of anything you have of your ex’s.  These things will only remind you of him and the boyfriend break up.  Some things you’ll want to give back because they have value.  Other things you can just toss.  And, if he’s given you gifts that you want to keep, box them up and store them for the time being.

Next, figure out how you are going to spend your time now that you are not part of a couple.  You may feel that time hangs heavy on your hands.  Or, you may find that you are liberated by not having to do everything your ex wanted you to do.

Get involved in things that make you happy.  Go to the gym so that you look and feel good.  Spend some time getting pampered at the spa.  Take a Spanish class at the community center.  Or, start to volunteer with the Big Sisters of America.

By doing things that please you, you will become a happier person.  You will find that you miss your ex a lot less.

One of the ways you will know that you are over your ex is that you will start to develop feelings for a new guy.  Maybe these will be reciprocated.  Eventually, you will find a new man and form a new relationship.  That will be when you know you have really moved on.  The boyfriend break up won’t be so serious any more.

Try the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.

Technorati Tags: boyfriend, breakup, relationship breakup

If you are really interested in getting boyfriend back then you may have to be a bit more assertive than you are used to being. You may have to put yourself in the role of the hunter rather than the hunted. If you are more experienced in being pursued than pursuing than you may be in for a tough time, unless you can figure out a way to hunt that suits your strengths. You have to use the tools that you have at your disposal. You will have to be creative.  You will also have to know how guys think and make decisions and use that to your advantage. Getting boyfriend back may rely on the hunter becoming the hunted.

The natural role of the male is that of the hunter. It is usually the guy who wants to go out and capture what he wants. He needs to feel the thrill of the pursuit. He needs to feel like he is attaining something. Yes, he needs to feel like he scored. How do you use that to your advantage? Is there something that you can do to go out and recapture someone who would rather be the one capturing instead of being captured? Yes, there is. Getting boyfriend back is going to cause you to trick the boyfriend back into thinking that he is pursuing you and capturing you.

In getting boyfriend back, you are going to have to use everything that you know about your ex boyfriend. You are going to have to know what he is interested in. You have to know what drives him and what makes him jump at opportunities. You may have to look very closely, though, because things may have changed. Pay close attention to what motivates him to act and then see if you can get and be those things that motivates him.

What this means is that you are going to be using yourself as bait in trying to land this big fish. The greatest draw that will help you in getting boyfriend back is going to be what you cause him to see in you. Become what it is that he wants you to be. Let him see that you are what he is looking for and can’t live without. That you are what he has to have and what he has to go after.

You have to be subtle taking this strategy in getting boyfriend back. You can’t throw yourself down and say, “Here I am!” As attractive as you might be you may have just made yourself boring. What he needs to have is a chase. What you are going to do is cause him to imagine you. You have to give him just a bit of attention and a small piece of what it is that he wants to see and then take it away. Don’t take it too far away, remember ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Your goal is to make yourself just out of reach after making him want to reach out for you. Getting boyfriend back requires a bit of teasing but it is a great way for the hunter to get what they want.

Try the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.

Technorati Tags: boyfriend, get boyfriend back, get-back-together, get-ex-back

What can save marriage when everything seems hopeless?

Marriage is considered a sacred institution by most of the world’s religions.  It is the foundation of the family, which, in turn, is the foundation for society.  So, there is a lot of emphasis on saving a marriage.

But that doesn’t mean that marriages today don’t run into trouble.  The changing roles of men ad women, financial pressures, and difficulties with children all make it hard to make marriages work.

So who do you turn to?

Perhaps the best place to look is the institution that values marriage more than any other – the church.

While a clinical psychologist or licensed family therapist will take an individualistic approach to marriage counseling, a pastor will focus on making the marriage work in a wholistic sense.  Over all, this has a better chance of actually saving the marriage.

Why is a pastoral counselor better than a secular therapist?

A secular therapist’s education focuses almost entirely on treating individual psychopathologies.  Even “Marriage and Family” designated counselors may have only one class or elective dealing specifically with couple’s therapy.  Do you think this approach can save marriage?

A pastoral counselor, on the other hand, will be educated in how to bring couples closer together.  With the exception of abuse in the relationship, they have the fundamental belief that once the vows are taken, the marriage is forever.

Some pastoral counselors have formal education in counseling.  More and more seminaries are offering pastoral counseling degrees.  But even ministers without a formal degree take classes and seminars in the subject.

If you don’t have a church home, you might have some difficulty finding a pastor to help you.  And, you don’t have six months to establish membership in a church before approaching the pastor.

In this case, you can call various churches and ask them if they have any upcoming couples retreats where you can save marriage through these weekend seminars.  Once you have established a relationship with a skilled pastor in these settings, you may be able to do follow up counselor with the same person.

A good couple’s retreat will help you deal with many different types of issues.  There will be group sessions and couple’s sessions.  You will also have time to work on questions individually.

Communication is a big issue at these conferences.  If you can work on your communications issues, you will find that the other pieces of the relationship fall into place.

Sex, finances, and child raising are also addressed.  The goal is to get you back on track in every aspect of your relationship.  You don’t have to be on the same page going in, but the hope is that you will be when you leave.

Marriage is tough.  Sometimes it seems like the relationship cannot endure.  But, there are so many reasons to see if you can’t make it work.  In this case, consider seeing if a pastor can save marriage.

Technorati Tags: get-ex-back, get-husband-back, get-wife-back, save marriage

Is getting back together after a break up something that the both of you want to do or is it one sided? This is the place that you need to start. If it is something that the both of you are committed to doing then you very well could see this working out. It will take a commitment from the both of you and a desire to give in and work together to overcome the things that caused the break up or divorce. If, though, it is one sided and you are the only one who is truly interested in getting back together after a break up, then you may be fighting an uphill battle.

What is going to make to getting back together after a break up work or not is total commitment from both of you. Each of you have to be able to concede that you were and are wrong about things. You have to be able to admit that without trying to justify everything. When you try to justify mistakes you made you are essentially making up excuses. Just be able to admit it and move on to correct it. It will likely take both of you working together to overcome your mistakes. It is a partnership that both of you are going to have to be invested in 100% but the commitment level from both of you needs to be totally equal.

It is very easy to think that it is the other person that has to do the work. It is too easy to let one person do the work. If it is just one person who is doing the bulk of the work in this reconciliation effort, it most likely is going to fail. It took two to make the relationship or marriage take place originally. Repairing the relationship is going to take both of you together. You have to struggle together for there to be a life together at all. This is something that you should have known when you first got together and it is something that you have to know for it to work from here on out.

If you are the only one of the two of you who thinks that getting back together after a break up is a good thing, then it is only you who is going to be putting forth the effort. It is sad to say but if it isn’t both of you wanting it and working towards it, it may be a fruitless endeavor. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try, it just means that you will have a monumentally tough time making this work. It is hard enough getting back together after a break up when two of you are working for it. Getting back together after a break up on your own may just take a lot more patience and perseverance.

Again, it will be difficult no matter what. What is going to help with the success of it is making sure that you have a good support system. If you have friends and family who are not only encouraging you but helping you, your chances of success grow as you continue getting back together after a break up.

Try the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.

Technorati Tags: get boyfriend back, Get girlfriend back, get-back-together, get-ex-back

Keeley knew it was time to be moving on.  Break up with her boyfriend Joe had just happened.  She knew there was no chance of getting back together, so she had to get on with her life.

First, Keeley tried talking to her friends about the break up.  At first, they were sympathetic.  But soon, they became bored with the topic and wanted to talk about their own issues.  Keeley became frustrated at their lack of support.

Her mom, on the other hand, couldn’t talk about anything but Joe.  She thought Keeley was insane to let him get away.  It sometimes seemed like her mom had been more in love with Joe than Keeley ever was.

After a few weeks, Keeley decided to go to a therapist for five sessions.  Over the course of a few weeks, she began to identify the problems which had led to the break up and plan out a strategy for moving on.

The first thing she did was to for the moving on break up was to get rid of all of Joe’s things.  Some, like the leather jacket he loved, she gave back.  Other things like his toothbrush she just threw away.  And, he had given her some nice jewelry, but she decided to box these up and store them until she became less emotional about Joe.

Next, she started doing things that she didn’t feel comfortable doing when Joe was around.  For instance, Joe would never go to the ballet with her.  Keeley had trained as a classical dancer and she appreciated Swan Lake and Giselle.  When a performance came to town, she got a couple of girlfriends together and they went.  This is not something she would have done if she had been together with Joe.

She also decided to join an adult dance class.  Partially, it got her out of the house two nights a week.  It also got her back into shape.  But, she was able to meet new people as well.  She liked the comraderie of the class.

She also explored new passions.  She never knew much about fine wines.  Joe had preferred beer and she had usually just ordered the house white.  But when she heard a local winery was offering a wine tasting class, she decided to join.

Over the course of five weeks, she developed a palate.  She began to appreciate the difference between a young wine and an old wine.

And, she met Rodney.  Rodney was a good looking lawyer who was interested in good wine and fine food.  He was also interested in Keeley.

Part of how Keeley knew that she was getting over the pain of losing Joe was that she was interested in Rodney.

Keeley doesn’t know whether the relationship with Rodney is going to be long term or a short term rebound fling.  But she does know that she doesn’t miss Joe when Rodney is around.  And that’s moving on break up advice!

Try the Magic of Making Up System now for more help.

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